garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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