I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I could make wine with my vomit
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
FUCK WHALES
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
