i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
