She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
