think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
