There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
