jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
