I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
