My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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