It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
