My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize