we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
