Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
