y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
