Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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