Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
