I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize