Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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