I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
