You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize