I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
