I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
