matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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