you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
