Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Randomize
