tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
