I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
