u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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