I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Randomize
