I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
