just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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