Even the bartender felt bad for me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
