Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Randomize
