When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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