I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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