I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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