dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
