I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
