apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
