FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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