ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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