i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
