Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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