i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
