I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
