Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
