in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize