It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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