Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize