I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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