used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
