Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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