Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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