please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
