you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have fence marks all over my body
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
