And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Still dying that you shit outside
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am one with the molecules
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
