so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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