I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
