so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
