unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
