she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just high enough for therapy.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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