he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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