At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
