Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
