I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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